does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
