grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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