Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
