I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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