yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
