Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
