Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
