And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I touched a dick in church today
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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