I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
