yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
