So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Are my feet made of real feet?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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