I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
