people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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