while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
