I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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