There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Barsexuality is the new black.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
