Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
