and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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