So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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