Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
