goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
