wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
