Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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