oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
