I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
