I met the friendliest cop last night
I look better un-naked...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A bitchslap is in order.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
