We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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