i would punch a child for taco bell
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
