Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
