Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
