i need an iv and a liver transplant
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just googled if crying burns calories
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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