Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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