he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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