I have demons in me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
