don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
