i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
