Plan B is the new Plan A
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
