help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
