Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
