Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
