never play flip cup with pint glasses
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
