R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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