nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
