she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
