Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
