Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
