my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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