This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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