This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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