i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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