It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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