HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
