Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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