Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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