Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
