shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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