they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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