glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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