i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
