I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sponge bath it is.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
