HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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