Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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