I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
