Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My cat gives me a boner
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
