we have pet lesbian snakes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
