one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
