Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
